Victor – A Monster’s Diary – Entry 3 – Being Alone
It looks like a warm summer day. I see the sun peeking through the dark curtains that I have hanging in my study. I hear the voices of children as they play together in the park across the street. It looked to me, like they were having so much fun.
Just for a split second, I felt envious of those children. They were able to laugh and enjoy life. I then remembered that I was living the life I wanted. I was living the life as a recluse but I was enjoying that life.
People may think that being alone is a bad thing. They may feel that they have to socialize with others. They may feel that they must have companionship and that they have to feel loved.
After being alone for 160 years, I know that a person can survive without love and without companionship. I have. I enjoy my life just the way it is. I don’t ever want my life to change.
I have seen that when people are turned into a monster, because of a spell that was put on them, other people ridicule their looks just because they are different.
When Helga put that spell on me, my hair vanished, my teeth fell out, except for my two front teeth and my eyes were changed into bright sea green. I look terrifying.
I remember the first time I saw my face. I scared myself. I couldn’t look in a mirror for years.
I got curious about my looks though and one day I stood in front of the mirror and forced myself to take a good long look.
My new look started to grow on me. I realized that without my hair, it was much less upkeep. I didn’t have to go to the barber every few months. I didn’t have to spend money on expensive hair care products.
With my teeth, I realized that I could chew my food just as easily with two teeth than with a mouthful of teeth. I also didn’t have to go to the dentist or brush my teeth.
As far as having eyes that were a different colour than everyone else’s, it was nice to see something different. It was refreshing to look in the mirror and see something that belonged to nobody but me.
I make it a ritual now to look at myself in the mirror every single morning. I don’t do this to remind myself of what I did look like at one time. I don’t do this to remind myself of who I once was. I do this to embrace my looks and embrace myself. I do this to remind myself of who I am now.
I have realized one very important fact. That fact is, I need to love myself. I need to feel good about who I am and what I have become. There is no sense living in the past. I realize that I must live in the present and dream about the future.